Family Focus
AGREE TO DISAGREE Dr. Richard Carlson
We’re all unique and see life a little bit differently. We have our own preferences, and we interpret things in our own special ways. Since we were all brought up and taught to think in certain ways, we have our own subtle ways of resolving conflicts, as well as our own theories as to why things happen.
Each of us places varying degrees of significance on what’s really relevant and important, and we can almost always find fault with the way someone else is thinking or behaving. We can usually validate our own versions of reality by focusing on examples that, we believe, prove us to be right. In short, the way we see life will always seem justified, logical, and correct–to ourselves.
The problem is, everyone else has the same assumption. Our spouses, children, parents, friends, neighbors–and everyone else–are equally convinced that their versions of reality are the most accurate! It’s absolutely predictable that the people in your life will not understand why you don’t see things the way they do and will think that, if you did, all would be well.
Knowing this is true, why, then, do most of us continue to be frustrated and annoyed by the fact we seem to disagree so often. You can “agree to disagree.” This doesn’t mean that your own point of view is any less important or correct, only that you don’t have to be so frustrated by the fact that others won’t always agree with you or see things in the same light.
In many instances, you may want to stand firm on your own opinions and values, and that’s fine, but you can do so with genuine respect and understanding of the other person’s opinion as well. When you do this, it eliminates a great deal of stress and a good number of would-be arguments.